That being said, I do have many different versions of myself in this life. Even trying to be honest and open doesn't stop one from creating personas. I wouldn't say I'd go to extremes that "Relationship George was killing Friend George."
Jerry: I like that George.
George: Me too!
But when my worlds collide. It can be awkward.
Let's get this out of the way first. I dislike the public. I wouldn't say hate. That's too strong. But I dislike. I've worked with the public for quite some time and they don't see a person on the other side of the counter. They see an ends to a mean. Talk to me all you want about customer service and the customer is always right. (That's a load of bullshit) That's all fine and dandy like a handful of crap-tasting candy, but until you're in the shit, working with the public week after week, day after day, you have now idea what the public can be like.
The public is a collective. The Borg of Banality. They are faceless. Not everyone is part of the public, but the public is everywhere. When I meet someone from the public and a relationship is formed, albeit a generic acquaintance relationship, they no longer are part of the public collective. There are countless people who are wonderful and kind. They are funny to talk with, but when something happens that is contrary to what they want to happen, they will turn on you. I've seen it. I've been involved with it. It's not an exaggeration.
Why bring this up? Because Work Faison doesn't dislike the public. He's all about helping them out. Work Faison is just one of my other personas, avatars, which is probably the most extreme avatar I have seeing that it flies in the face of my dislike and discomfort with the public.
When my family, an aunt or an uncle, come to my place of business. Work Faison battles with Family Faison. You see, Family Faison, is quiet. He comes to the family events and talks to a few people, but generally keeps his conversation light and easy. Family Faison doesn't want to get dragged into political discussions. Family Faison doesn't want to talk about every facet of his life with family members. Family Faison doesn't want to get into a war of words with his sister because she's extremely high-maintenance and always right. Imagine that?
But when Family Faison and Work Faison collide. It's awkward. The words I speak are measured. A sweat usually begins at the top of my head. This sounds like I'm a complete mess, but I'm not and yet, aren't we all a mess when two worlds collide on us? It's about control.
I think one of the biggest reasons we create these avatars is control. We want to control the narrative of our life. I want to have what I want and that's it. How do I get that? I want me work night to be nice and easy, so I need to create an avatar that promotes that. Even if I have my issues with the public, I cannot allow that to take over. If I disagree with my uncle's politics, yelling about it over the grill does nothing but get my voice hoarse. Family Faison is born.
I have others. Smaller and not as important, but they all serve the purpose to control the narrative.
Back to Faison. Alex Faison was the character of the very first story I ever wrote. It was for my girlfriend, at the time. She had a class assignment and I offered. I chose the name, not because of that, but because I always choose that name when I need to make a fake name for something. Realizing why I chose it and it's significance to my life only recently made itself clear to me. I'm a writer. It's not my avatar. It's not my persona. It's simply what I want to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment